Extreme Knitting Redhead: Christmas

Monday, December 23, 2013

Christmas

Today a blog I wrote about Christmas and mum will be appearing on ARUK's dementia blog. It was a difficult one to write because this is always a tough time for me; I'll let you read my blog post so you can understand why.

This last week has been equally if not more eventful than the previous one but I really don't have time to write about it all at the moment so I shall have to write about things retrospectively as and when I can.

As a taster here are a few things; we returned to the Menuhin Hall to record some of Mike's music, had a visit from another film crew (that was hilarious!), I decorated another Christmas tree for the village church, lots of running, vile weather, magazine articles, carol-singing around the village green, knitting and crochet. Oh my, there really are not enough hours in each day!

I have also launched my outline plans for fund-raising in 2014 and even though there are still a few details missing it's really rather exciting and will certainly test my physical and mental strength to the limit. Plus I have 2 major dementia events lined up for January and February already, one of which is fun and the other is very important and serious.

So for now I'd like to wish everyone a very Happy Christmas and New Year and for anyone whose life has been touched by dementia I shall be thinking of you and leave you with this beautiful poem by Vikram Seth (Mike set it to music for soprano voice a while ago and it is glorious):

All You Who Sleep Tonight

All you who sleep tonight
Far from the ones you love,
No hand to left or right
And emptiness above -

Know that you aren't alone
The whole world shares you tears,
Some for two nights or one,
And some for all their years.

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Mum's Story

In 1997 my mother, then aged 81, had a series of minor strokes. Shortly after that we started to notice behavioural changes notably memory loss and confusion over everyday items. We thought it was just old age finally catching up with her. Then she started wandering and had violent mood swings. Although she already lived with us it became obvious that she couldn't be left alone for long and so I left my job to care for her. The next few years saw a gradual decline into the blackness that is 'vascular dementia'. My normally placid mum became violent and aggressive. She had psychotic incidents where she would see imaginary people (children hiding in her wardrobe, Russians sitting on the stairs, women stealing her clothes) and she would shout at them and sometimes throw things too. She was so convincing that we used to go and check that there wasn't anyone there! When my sister died mum did not know who Judy was or that she was her daughter. There came a point when I suddenly realised she no longer knew that I was her daughter and this was a terrible time for me. In the last 2 years that she lived with us, life for us all became almost unbearable as she needed 24 hour care - she couldn't be left alone at all because she would either wander off or hurt herself, she never slept for more than 30 minutes at a time during the night, she became incontinent and incapable of doing anything for herself. Finally my husband and I realised that we could no longer provide her with the care that she needed and she went to live in a special care home where the team did a splendid job caring for her in the last few months of her life. There she lived a zombified existence unaware of who she was, what she was or where she was. It was heartbreaking. She died in March 2005, the day after her 89th birthday.

Thank you for taking the time to read mum's story and I hope you'll dig deep and sponsor me using the link below to help find a way of beating this destructive disease.