Extreme Knitting Redhead: How we view the elderly

Saturday, March 13, 2010

How we view the elderly

I cut this photo out of the Sunday Times magazine a couple of weeks ago because I thought it was a lovely, thought-provoking image.

Snapped by Lord Snowdon, it shows a 95 year old lady sharing a dance with her carer.

What struck me immediately is the look of joy on her face. She did not care about the colour of his skin, his age or his religion, whether he is wealthy or well educated. She was just enjoying the moment.

It then made me think about how many of our elderly go for days, or even weeks without any physical contact with another human being. When my mum was in the nursing home for the final months of her life I was shocked to learn that many of the people who lived there did not get any visitors at all. No-one to stroke their hair or squeeze their hand. No-one to acknowledge that they have a purpose or even matter in the scheme of things.

Then I remembered this poem. I spotted it when we visited a beautiful garden in St Margaret's at Cliffe last year. It is so insightful that I was amazed to read that it was written by a 13 year old boy.

I think I'm feeling reflective because today is Mother's Day in the UK.

3 comments:

Helegant said...: Susie,
One idea that appealed to me was to make a 'memories album' to stay in the room with an elderly resident; to tell the carer about their life, and also to remind the person. Otherwsie an alzheimer's patient has no 'identity', Helen; March 14, 2010 at 3:02:00 PM PDT
Helegant said...: Susie,
One idea that appealed to me was to make a 'memories album' to stay in the room with an elderly resident; to tell the carer about their life, and also to remind the person. Otherwsie an alzheimer's patient has no 'identity', Helen; March 14, 2010 at 3:02:00 PM PDT
Susie Hewer said...: That's a great idea Helen and it has been adopted by some of the better nursing homes. I think it's really important for all elderly people to keep in touch with who they are but for people suffering from dementia it provides a link for their carers too.

I don't know if you saw Can Jerry Robinson Fix Dementia Care Homes? on TV recently but that showed the huge difference in the quality of care that people get. It also showed what a difference small changes can make to a person's life.

I imagine that your role must be very important for those who are both elderly and alone.; March 15, 2010 at 1:32:00 AM PDT

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Mum's Story

In 1997 my mother, then aged 81, had a series of minor strokes. Shortly after that we started to notice behavioural changes notably memory loss and confusion over everyday items. We thought it was just old age finally catching up with her. Then she started wandering and had violent mood swings. Although she already lived with us it became obvious that she couldn't be left alone for long and so I left my job to care for her. The next few years saw a gradual decline into the blackness that is 'vascular dementia'. My normally placid mum became violent and aggressive. She had psychotic incidents where she would see imaginary people (children hiding in her wardrobe, Russians sitting on the stairs, women stealing her clothes) and she would shout at them and sometimes throw things too. She was so convincing that we used to go and check that there wasn't anyone there! When my sister died mum did not know who Judy was or that she was her daughter. There came a point when I suddenly realised she no longer knew that I was her daughter and this was a terrible time for me. In the last 2 years that she lived with us, life for us all became almost unbearable as she needed 24 hour care - she couldn't be left alone at all because she would either wander off or hurt herself, she never slept for more than 30 minutes at a time during the night, she became incontinent and incapable of doing anything for herself. Finally my husband and I realised that we could no longer provide her with the care that she needed and she went to live in a special care home where the team did a splendid job caring for her in the last few months of her life. There she lived a zombified existence unaware of who she was, what she was or where she was. It was heartbreaking. She died in March 2005, the day after her 89th birthday.

Thank you for taking the time to read mum's story and I hope you'll dig deep and sponsor me using the link below to help find a way of beating this destructive disease.