Extreme Knitting Redhead: Emotionally drained

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Emotionally drained

Many thanks to everyone who left such kind comments on my previous posts.

I am feeling totally drained of emotion since the London Marathon. It's talking about dementia and remembering what it did to mum that's done it 'cos it all comes flooding back at this time. Physically I'm fine and resumed my training schedule 2 days after but I just can't get my crafting head back on. My Autumn Rose project was going great guns and I was up to the armholes/neck but I just don't feel like picking up my needles yet. I picked up a crochet hook last night and did a bit of twiddling then tried a bit of cross stitch but just didn't get the buzz.

Hey ho. I'm sure my enthusiasm will come back soon.

Yesterday I went to Brighton with Emma from the Alzheimer's Research Trust who was doing a presentation to a group of people who are doing some fund-raising for them. She focussed on the work they do and then passed over to me to talk about my experience with mum. I've talked about it so many times that you'd think it wouldn't effect me but there's always something that I recount that brings the horror of it back to me. At one stage I felt a lump in my throat and my eyes just filled with tears and I had to take a deep breath before I could continue. The people were all very kind and thanked me for sharing my experiences and I hope it helped them understand more about the disease.

In the meantime Marina very kindly emailed me to say that Virtual Yarns have restocked and so I have ordered the Oregon Cardigan in the 'autumn' colourway so that's something to look forward to.

Only another week and it will be time for my next marathon. Hopefully that will perk me up a bit.

Oh and I've just remembered - my scarf has now gone off to Terry Pratchett who has very kindly agreed to be photographed wearing it before it's auctioned by the Alzheimer's Research Trust. I'm hoping that the association with Terry will encourage people to make generous bids. I tucked a little note in with as well for whoever gets the scarf just explaining why I did it, telling mum's story and thanking them for bidding plus giving washing/care instructions.

2 comments:

Kirsten said...: Hang in there! What you are doing is so valuable!

I love that Terry Pratchett will be modeling your scarf!! I do hope you share the photos, or a link to the photos with us!; April 24, 2008 at 10:03:00 AM PDT
monica said...: hi! I hope you're feeling better :-)
excellent news about the scarf. let us know how it goes !!; May 1, 2008 at 6:00:00 AM PDT

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Mum's Story

In 1997 my mother, then aged 81, had a series of minor strokes. Shortly after that we started to notice behavioural changes notably memory loss and confusion over everyday items. We thought it was just old age finally catching up with her. Then she started wandering and had violent mood swings. Although she already lived with us it became obvious that she couldn't be left alone for long and so I left my job to care for her. The next few years saw a gradual decline into the blackness that is 'vascular dementia'. My normally placid mum became violent and aggressive. She had psychotic incidents where she would see imaginary people (children hiding in her wardrobe, Russians sitting on the stairs, women stealing her clothes) and she would shout at them and sometimes throw things too. She was so convincing that we used to go and check that there wasn't anyone there! When my sister died mum did not know who Judy was or that she was her daughter. There came a point when I suddenly realised she no longer knew that I was her daughter and this was a terrible time for me. In the last 2 years that she lived with us, life for us all became almost unbearable as she needed 24 hour care - she couldn't be left alone at all because she would either wander off or hurt herself, she never slept for more than 30 minutes at a time during the night, she became incontinent and incapable of doing anything for herself. Finally my husband and I realised that we could no longer provide her with the care that she needed and she went to live in a special care home where the team did a splendid job caring for her in the last few months of her life. There she lived a zombified existence unaware of who she was, what she was or where she was. It was heartbreaking. She died in March 2005, the day after her 89th birthday.

Thank you for taking the time to read mum's story and I hope you'll dig deep and sponsor me using the link below to help find a way of beating this destructive disease.