Extreme Knitting Redhead: Nervous

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Nervous

I've been bottling this up so I thought I'd air my fears on here in the hope that it would make them disappear. Tomorrow is the Kent Coastal marathon over in Thanet and will be marathon number 4 of the 5 planned for this year and my 28th to date.

Why am I especially nervous about this one, given that pre-race nerves are a normal part of marathoning? Well it will be my first road marathon since London back in April which is when I first experienced breathing difficulties. I know I've done 2 marathons since then but they were off-road and there wasn't quite the same pressure on beating my time in them as I was pretty confident that I could.

This one, well the time I set 5 years ago is 5:37 so technically I should easily get inside that as I'm frequently around the 5 hour mark for a road marathon these days. Also, with a 1/2 marathon time of 2:00:59 at Paddock Wood that should see me well below 5 hours.

But, or rather BUT, the asthma has taken a real toll on my confidence even though I've found ways of continuing to train hard even when it's been at its worst. What if the pollen count is really high and it brings on another attack? My gunk quotient is high today (sorry, too much info!) which is making me anxious too. What if the weather forecast suddenly changes to 'hot' which it was last time I ran it (hence the slow time)? What if I start too fast and can't maintain the pace?

Oh what a whingey post. I'm even getting on my own nerves but at least I've aired my fears which might help to quieten the demons!

I'll just do it and I'll give it my best shot just as I always do.

1 comment:

Shan said...: Oh dear! No wonder you're worried. I hope it goes as well as you hope, no worse than you expect, and much better than you fear!

Good luck tomorrow.
S; September 1, 2012 at 5:20:00 PM PDT

Post a Comment

Mum's Story

In 1997 my mother, then aged 81, had a series of minor strokes. Shortly after that we started to notice behavioural changes notably memory loss and confusion over everyday items. We thought it was just old age finally catching up with her. Then she started wandering and had violent mood swings. Although she already lived with us it became obvious that she couldn't be left alone for long and so I left my job to care for her. The next few years saw a gradual decline into the blackness that is 'vascular dementia'. My normally placid mum became violent and aggressive. She had psychotic incidents where she would see imaginary people (children hiding in her wardrobe, Russians sitting on the stairs, women stealing her clothes) and she would shout at them and sometimes throw things too. She was so convincing that we used to go and check that there wasn't anyone there! When my sister died mum did not know who Judy was or that she was her daughter. There came a point when I suddenly realised she no longer knew that I was her daughter and this was a terrible time for me. In the last 2 years that she lived with us, life for us all became almost unbearable as she needed 24 hour care - she couldn't be left alone at all because she would either wander off or hurt herself, she never slept for more than 30 minutes at a time during the night, she became incontinent and incapable of doing anything for herself. Finally my husband and I realised that we could no longer provide her with the care that she needed and she went to live in a special care home where the team did a splendid job caring for her in the last few months of her life. There she lived a zombified existence unaware of who she was, what she was or where she was. It was heartbreaking. She died in March 2005, the day after her 89th birthday.

Thank you for taking the time to read mum's story and I hope you'll dig deep and sponsor me using the link below to help find a way of beating this destructive disease.